


Heartless

by godzillais



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Sad, Sad and Happy, Triggers, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2013-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 00:30:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1087441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godzillais/pseuds/godzillais
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isa wanted to believe he had a heart, and with Lea's help he almost feels like he does. Then Roxas comes along and everything changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartless

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is my first story on AO3, and I'm looking forward to see what you all think. Feed back is very welcome. Un-beta'd

 

I know I was born with a heart. We all are. But some where along the line of time I lost mine. I didn't loose it per say, more it was stolen from me. And I'm not alone.

 

All our hearts were stolen.

 

All we're doing is fighting to get them back.

 

Lea thinks we can still feel even with out our hearts. He says he feels sometimes. I tell him I feel nothing. He just laughs at me, ' I beg to differ', he says. He slinks closer to me, brushing his hands against my face. 'You feel that, don't you?' He asks me.

 

Truth be told, I do feel something. It feels like an electric shock moving from his hand to my cheek. But the feeling is so fleeting, so unnoticeable, it's not even worth cataloging in my mind.

 

I shake my head, but he knows I'm lying.

 

Lea always knows everything.

 

–

 

This house meeting is just the same as the last one. Number I is complaining about the smell in the main bathroom. He demands he be heard. 'I am the leader!' He says pounding his fist against the table.

 

The room jolts.

 

Lea stairs at me, a smirk spread across his face.

 

I dive into the acidic pools of green that are his eyes. I feel the acid burn my skin, but still I swim. Soon he's nudging me out of my chair and back to our room. 'Come now Isa.'

 

He leads me to my bed and we lay together.

 

Every so often, as he brushes his hand through my hair, and I feel that spark.

 

–

 

Superior calls his own meeting later on, when the nurses and doctors are changing shifts. 'We need to find a way to get into their lab.' He says, ' That's where they're keeping our hearts.'

 

I don't have the gall to tell him that I didn't have a heart long before I arrived here.

 

_Maybe,_ I think, _they do have my heart here._ I know that's only wishful thinking though. My heart was stolen long ago, by someone very close to me.

 

–

I ask my doctor how I'm alive with out a heart.

 

'You have a heart Saïx,' She says, 'You just need to find a way to get back in touch with it.'

 

I want to believe her very badly. But the ways she tells me I can reconnect with it are too absurd. Go to groups. Take my medicine. Do book work.

 

None of those things will get my heart back.

 

I tell her this, and she shakes her head at me. 'I don't know what else to tell you.'

 

Doctors never know what to tell me.

 

–

Castle Oblivion is a nice play to be.

 

Clean and crisp white walls. Nice leather furniture. Good food.

 

If your lucky enough to be able to step outside, into the World That Never Was, you get to see wonderful gardens that Number XI has created and maintained.

 

Lea and I are lucky enough to have access to the World That Never Was.

 

We go for walks outside daily.

 

Lea always holds my hand.

 

–

 

There are two beds in our room, but only one is ever used. Even though I tell Lea he needs to sleep in his own bed, he always snakes over and sleeps in mine.

 

I don't really mind, but superior says it's immoral for two men to sleep in the same bed.

 

'He's just a jackass', Lea says to me stroking my hair.

 

–

Sometimes I wish Lea would kiss me.

 

Lea sometimes looks like he's going to, but something makes him hesitates and the moment dissipates.

 

My doctor says that Axel is trying to kiss me, but that he's waiting to see if it's okay. She tells me if I want to so badly, that I should kiss him.

 

I shake my head.

 

Lea would never accept me if I kissed him.

 

–

There is a new member of the organization. Number XIII, or Roxas.

 

Lea is all over him.

 

When Lea and I are alone, Roxas is all he talks about.

 

How they share ice cream treats, and sit on the clock tower.

 

I tell superior that XIII needs to go, though I don't tell him why.

 

Superior just laughs at me, 'XIII has the key blade, we _need_ him.'

 

I'm starting to hate superior, even though I'm most loyal.

 

I miss Lea.

 

–

 

One night I get angry at Lea for loving Roxas more than me.

 

I don't know what happened. I just know I ended up in the hole.

 

Lea didn't speak to me after I got out of the hole.

 

He even slept in his own bed.

 

My doctor says I went berserk and spent two days sobbing.

–

 

I continue to sob, because now I am alone here.

 

No one likes me anymore, except superior.

 

I hate superior.

 

I hate number XIII

 

I hate everything.

 

–

 

I spend lots of time in my room, curled up on my bed sobbing.

 

I don't have to see Lea taking XIII out to the garden.

 

I don't have to see Lea and XIII laughing with out me.

 

I only have to see white walls.

–

 

It's Christmas time when Lea finally talks to me again. Though his words are mean.

 

He hands me a gift, and says 'You and this are staying in Lea's past. It's Axel now, got it memorized?'

 

He walks away from me as I open the present.

 

Folded not so neatly in a small box is his signature scarf.

 

I drop the box and press the scarf to my face.

 

I inhale deeply.

 

–

 

This is the first time I've really felt like I couldn't live with out a heart.

 

I want to die.

 

My theory is that Lea was holding what was left of my heart.

 

He took it and smashed it right in my face.

 

–

 

I tell my doctor how I want to die, and she puts me in the hole again.

 

When I get out, Lea has moved out of my room. The extra bed is gone, and so is everything except one blanket.

 

My clothes have all been picked through, all I have is shorts and tee shirts.

 

Lea's scarf is folded neatly on my bed though, with a note that says _this is all_.

 

–

 

I spend what feels like a year laying on my bed.

 

I only get up to use the rest room.

 

I only drink water.

 

Soon they put me on an IV. My doctor says I've lost too much weight. 'I', she says, 'honestly don't know how your still alive.'

 

I tell her I don't want to be alive, and a nice nurse comes in and put a sedative into my IV.

 

I wake up shackled to the bed.

 

–

 

Lea visits me only once.

 

I see his red hair and acid green eyes peak around the frame of the door.

 

At the sight of him my heart rate increases.

 

He saunters into the room and leans over my motionless body.

 

He slowly kisses my lips.

 

Once he pulls away I see that he is smiling sadly.

 

'I just need to get rid of this one last thing, okay? But know this Isa, I have always loved you.”

 

He pulls the pillow out from behind my head and presses it over my face.

 

Even if I wasn't shackled I wouldn't try to stop him.

 

I let the warmth of his kiss, and his words flush through my body.

 

For the first time in a long time I feel like I have a heart.

 

The warmth over takes me and I sink into the darkness.

 

–

 

All too soon I wake in the garden.

 

I am laying on the warm grass, looking up towards the sky.

 

Lea is lying next to me, slowly stroking my hair.

 

'See, I told you you had a heart all this time silly.'

 


End file.
